THE CASE OF THE RIGID BANANA

It is a little known fact that the fashion for 'flared' trousers ie. those that are wider at the bottom than they are at the knees, started in Borneo in the early 1960's. Our soldiers doing their training in Ipoh used to be the subject of ribaldry from soldiers of other regiments over their funny trousers, but by the mid 70's the style had become the 'in-thing' for well dressed men world-wide.
Soldiers from Sabah were, on the whole, a well behaved lot; it was therefore a shock to hear that one of them had been seen fighting with a Chinaman outside a bar. The Chinaman came off second best and very nearly lost his life through a knife wound within an inch of his heart. There were about half a dozen witnesses to the crime and each one said the act was committed by someone wearing 'flared' trousers. This vital piece of evidence coupled with the fact that a few other bell-bottomed trouser wearers were seen running away in the direction of the Army camp, led the police to think that a soldier of 2nd Battalion Malaysia Rangers was the culprit.
The British Commanding Officer of our battalion was none too pleased when he was acquainted with the facts, but he promised the local Chief of Police that he would investigate the matter. Accordingly, he told the Adjutant to order a scale 'A' parade for 2pm that day.
With everyone present, the CO mounted a dais and addressed the battalion. He spoke good Malay and he outlined the events of the previous evening. When he got to the vital piece about the fellow with 'flared' trousers being seen stabbing the Chinaman, he used the wrong word for 'knife'.
What he said was: "Dia pukul orang China dengan pisang." ('He struck the Chinaman with a banana'). The word he should have used is 'pisau' (knife). Not content with a single mistake, he reiterated the gory details a few times and, on each occasion, dwelt on how the 'banana' had narrowly missed the victim's heart.
There must have been three hundred Sabahan soldiers and Malay non-commissioned officers on parade and their faces remained expressionless. British officers, on the other hand, were convulsed with mirth. Nobody had the courage to tell the Commanding Officer about his mistake. The culprit was never found!